Did you know that spammers are your friends? No, really. They even say so:
How are you doing with your family?
Of course, many friends only contact you when they want something:
I wish to accost you with a request...
My Dear Friend,
I wish to intimate you with a request that would be of immensebenefit to both of us.
Some have gone farther and made you a partner. Did you know that? Didn't think so...:
REQUEST FOR YOUR PARTNERSHIP
This mail will definitely be coming to you as a surprise, but I must crave your indulgence to introduce myself to you...
Crave away, "partner," crave away...
Some recognize that they are invading your privacy, and are most apologetic:
Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel.
Most nevertheless require trust and confidentiality on your part. Well, it's only fair. They already trust you:
Trust is difinetely the most noble trait in the world, and i urge you to trust my sincereity and the word of simple and humble person of faith, who in the name of love for her equals is willing to acomplish the task of doing business with a trusted and transperent person.
I know this proposal will come to you as a surprise especially when you do not know the writer, considering the huge sum of money involved which could make anybody apprehensive.
But I'm telling you all about it anyway, even though you're a complete and total stranger.
But I'm trustworthy, hey? After all, look at where they got my contact information. I never knew I was so highly regarded in circles I've never traveled...:
Some of them go to great lengths to convince you that you really do know them, after all...:
From: DR.JERRY JOHNSON
Dear good friend,
You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. It takes fate, courage and God's fearing to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, not worked out as we projected then.
Good ol' Jerry. He always did have a way with words.
Some of them present you immediately with intimate details that you really wish they hadn't...:
My name is Alli Waheed, A Bahrain national, have been diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
Some are curiously impersonal:
Blessings to you.
I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment now.
And some have achieved a puzzling balance between intimacy and formality:
ATTN: MY DEAR
Kindly accept my apology for sending my mail to you.
Of course what most of these people are really trying to do is get your attention. As one would expect, advertisers can be especially creative:
Many find it obviously correct to change over to our priscription store all because of the benefits.
We have come across what we feel is one of those rear deals that the public has not heard about yet.
Peel off these extra layers of fab naturallyi.
OK. Now yer talkin! Nothing I like better than doing away with excess fab.